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bricks

I had an okay day yesterday. Felt like I successfully dodged a pile of bricks only for it to fall on my head the moment I was alone in the shower. I didn’t think much during the day. Kids make it difficult…I even attempted to paint with them in the studio. Didn’t go very well. Spent some time reading about other people’s problems on SI. Watched TV and ironed shirts.

And then, when I was alone, I went into my dark place.

I asked him today if he would have left us in March, had Sabi not been married with a family. He said he wouldn’t have but I don’t know if I believe it. He hated me when he came to Sacramento after being with her. He was looking for every possible excuse to leave.

I keep thinking of all the times during our seven years together when he was mean, at best dismissive to me. Always, he was looking for or involved with someone else. I don’t even know if there was a period of time when he was at least temporarily faithful to me. I feel that he did not love me. Certainly didn’t respect me. He made me feel that I was not worth anything. That is not what a loving husband does, is it?

This, along with a very real possibility that he will cheat on me again in the future, makes me think about divorce…I feel so much disrespect, so much neglect and negativity, especially over the last three years. I don’t know what he can do to undo it. If he wants to undo it.

More than one person told me that it’s very obvious that I am the main course for H, with all kinds of snacks on the side. He has a good thing in me. Does he know it? He thinks I am so cold, unloving, and unemotional. He told me not that long ago that I was not worth his effort. And he keeps asking me if I can promise him that I will be a “good wife” in the future. As if I am bad now…as if I’ve been so bad all along.

If he still sees me that way, is there any hope? I know I am not perfect but I am good, and he doesn’t realize it. Maybe when he loses me he will finally get it. Sometimes, I already feel it’s too little too late.

Just a quick announcement – I’m in the process of merging my blog and my website, to have everything in the same place. So if you visit my blog or website in the next couple of days and not recognize anything (well, the artwork will be the same :)), please don’t panic! I’m not sure yet how subscriptions work but hopefully, you won’t have to re-subscribe.

beautiful woman abstract background colorful watercolor painting

12×9″ watercolor on Canson Montval CP 140lb. Reference photo – Tanya (neizmen) for JKPP

Nothing like the reference photo, but it was fun🙂

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floral watercolor on yupo painting orchids in red flowers

5.5 x 11.5″  Yupo, I’ve missed you.🙂

Started off as purple-red orchids (which is what they actually are) on a light blue background – but I didn’t like it and changed my mind to light flowers on a darker background. Thankfully, Yupo is perfect for changing everything in the middle of painting! I plan on making a similar painting with yellow orchids. My husband gave me the purple ones for Valentine’s Day – and I’m proud to say they are still alive and thriving – and a couple of weeks ago, he brought me a pot with yellow ones. They also survived🙂

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This painting was a commission I did for someone who gave it as a thank you gift for a wonderful skiing vacation at the Okemo mountain in Vermont. As usual, I started with a sketch:

value sketch of a winter landscape

And, since the client wanted two skiers in the picture, a rough Photoshop mockup:

winter landscape with skiers digital mockup

On to the drawing and the first wet-into-wet wash (paper is stretched on an 11×14″ stretcher frame and bordered with artist’s tape to a 9×12″ size):

winter landscape in watercolor step by step

At which point I remembered that this was supposed to be an ink and watercolor painting…

winter landscape ink and watercolor

And after this, there was darkening of shadows and intensifying of color here and there. I also added some iridescent medium and snow, along with the writing on the bottom, to arrive at this:

winter landscape ink and watercolor

At the request of the client, I mailed the painting directly to the couple who generously let them stay at their house during the vacation at Okemo. I included one of my note cards that I think goes very well with this painting:

fine art note card

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It’s safe to say that it’s no more a “portrait a day”  – turns out I can’t quite afford a reliable hour every day devoted to painting something for myself – but I’ll keep counting them until I get to a stopping point (the current idea is to make it to September 2, a year after I started the project).

young woman red hair profile watercolor painting portrait

Meet Nicole from WetCanvas Portraiture forum

12×9″ watercolor on Canson Montval 140lb CP. I really needed the excellent lifting ability of this paper here. It doesn’t take layers or do granulation as well as other papers do, but lifting is so easy!

Ok, on to the step by step:

step by step woman portrait watercolor

young woman watercolor portrait step by step

young woman profile painting step by step

young woman painting wip

beautiful young woman face portrait watercolor painting

 

I was temporarily commission-free for a day… Next week, I’m starting 5 11×14″ street scenes for the Mississippi Blood Bank and, hopefully, a couple of paintings that I’m doing for free (including the Blirthday winners). Probably won’t have time for the portrait-a-day : / But…I’m not really complaining🙂 I’m excited about the next week’s paintings and I would like to get to a point where I have a reliable income from art. So…if you want me to paint something for you, drop me a line😉

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baby pointing watercolor portrait painting

I do not typically post the reference photos for the portraits I paint but this one is special:

old photograph baby pointing

So you can see, this was more of a restoration project🙂 Starting with the sketch, to get familiar with the general shapes and try the values and colors that might work:

baby pointing watercolor portrait sketch

I also removed the baby seat and added the unicorn on the shirt – the unicorn has special meaning to the recipient of this painting.

On to drawing (my unfavorite stage, always takes tooooo long):

baby portrait drawing

And the completed painting:

baby pointing watercolor portrait painting

The curious thing about this painting is that the subject is the mom of another baby I painted🙂. Tried Lanaquarelle cold press 140lb on this. The paper is soft and has nice texture, glazes look beautiful on it. However, the paint sets in a bit too fast and lifting is very hard. I also encountered several light spots that would not take paint (almost like a resist).

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